Wake up (Old writing)
One day you will wake up and your youth will be wasted. You hear this when you are young but it falls on deaf ears. Wake up, your 44. Your hearing is crystal clear. It's too late to listen. If you do your body says no. If your body says yes- your mind disagrees Too many years of social influence and now you only feel comfortable when you hide. Hide behind closed doors, thick filters, and a deep box of sand in which to bury your head.
So hide then die.
You don't always have to find your purpose.. some don't. Sometimes the surprise that ends your life is the purpose.
I wouldn't be surprised.