A faint trace of perfumed oil lit a small swath of her delicate wrist. The smell that followed as she passed me was mildly intoxicating. It smelled like the first memory of the best orgasm. You know the one you feel in the pit of your lower abdomen. Right below your belly button and above your pubic bone, but deep deeper than you thought such a feeling could be held. The pain of losing that first clenching sensation is what she smelled like walking away. There could be no sadness in such bliss.
Stormey-
Green is my secret favorite color.
Anyone who knows me knows what my favorite color is.
There is something special about a secret. It's something you keep for yourself.
You can pick and choose who you tell your secrets to. It could be a random person with whom you find an inspiring connection.
Or it could be your best friend of so many years you are sisters instead.
Green is lush and healing. It always makes me stop to soak in its beauty.
Not unlike the secret loves I've held in my life.
Loves I will have and hold and soak in their beauty for the remainder of my days.
No one knows these secrets. I don't give those away I will keep them hidden close to my heart and think about them before I die someday, hopefully in a beautiful green place.
Stormey
Now the time of people passing you from one set of arms to another has come to an end.
The hard part starts now.
You wake up alone, more alone than you have ever felt.
You close your eyes and want to sleep until the nightmare stops.
You go about your days, you make the same motions, you use the same inflection in your voice.
You “go on”.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for the nightmare to end.
You lose connections with some people who know you are not ok and don't know how to help, You make new connections with new people who don't know your soul is broken and don't feel the need to comfort and fix you.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.
You go over every part of every moment of every last word spoken. Did they know? Do they know now?
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.
You can see every change that should have been made, every altered step that would have directed this path to a much more desirable place. You see every failure to protect what was born to protect you.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.
You find joy and laughter and love and it hurts you. You cant share it.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.
You fall apart again and again when you realize the little parts you held so close are falling away.
a sent a vision, a taste, a feeling, a sound.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.
Years later you open your eyes with the full realization that they have been closed this entire time.
Waiting for this nightmare to end.
Now you can begin again.
Mothers are magic.
Stormey
There is never an easy way to say goodbye to your mom.
Even if you know her time is limited. We all of us are on limited time.
Now you have to say goodbye?
How do you say goodbye to your own breath, your own heart?
You cant.
When she goes a part of you goes with her.
A piece of your heart and soul to accompany her on her way.
You will live with this painful void for the remainder of your days.
There is nothing that can be done to erase it.
However, the love she leaves behind will help to ease the pain in time.
Eventually, you will remember how to breathe without reminders.
You will remember to smile without a polite mask.
You will feel the joy she wanted you to feel when she brought you into this life with all of its promise and adventure.
You will live your life in the best way you know how.
You will always miss your mom. The missing never goes away.
I'm sorry you have to be within this chapter of life now, this part that is the pain of missing the very dearest, the safest, the warmest, and most loving place our hearts can know.
Mothers are magic.
Stormey
When you recall that every wish you ever called a prayer deceived you, you understand that the hell you have to look forward to is the one you make yourself every day. DIY -S
If I fall while shedding the layers that made it impossible for me to climb, will I come to find at the bottom that I am well enough to stay? You cant fly when you know you're free. -S
You can break. Mentally I'm breaking, not to a place of my violent conclusion. But to a place of complacent acceptance. Is this giving up? Fuck giving up. I want to give in. But then I become a shadow and no one can know me then. -S
The innocent tears are virtual reality, they don't exist if they don't belong to me. -S